Straight Talk: Simple Rules for Dating!

For a while now I’ve had conversation after conversation with female friends and acquaintances about their dating highs, lows, and woes. In the conversations it seems there are more lows and woes than highs. We have to change the tempo of that, I really want to see my chocolate sisters flourish in the grand scheme of dating and relationships. Now is there a lot to learn and deal with somewhat, can it be managed yup. So here’s my attempt to give the ladies some upside to the game and how it could and should be played. dating-rules-1

I’ve always said, that all females need  a straight male friend, that they can go to for dating and relationship advise. If he is or was the player type he’s definitely going to have real insight for you. Now I’m no expert, but I can give you the basics based off of experience and being a guy myself and knowing how we are.

First thing first, if you are seriously looking to date and have a relationship, you need to be absolutely open to the potential (men that you may date) that will come your way. No I’m not saying don’t have standards or a type; but no one is going to walk up to you with their standards and qualifications on resume paper for you to read. So you need to establish a basic list of qualifiers that gets him in the door for conversation and hopefully dates.


Does he have a job?

Is he educated or in school?

Did he approach you with respect?

Is he attractive, no not is he your type? (more about this later)

Does he seem to have goals?

A simple list of qualifiers that should get him in the door, to continue with the conversation and to allow for the setting up a date. These qualifiers root out those who would essentially be a waste of time and have no real intentions for anything worthwhile.

Second, is do not rush it. DATE! Allow that man and make sure that man takes you out on dates. They don’t have to and should not all be expensive or extravagant dates, but they should be dates. Not come overs and chill. If all you two do is go for coffee or ice cream; take it and build from there. The expense of a date doesn’t say he’s sincere or is genuine. A date says he wants to spend more time, time that should be spent engulfed in conversation and mental stimulation. Since the topic of dating is up, ladies, THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH DATING MULTIPLE MEN. Hear me careful when I say it’s okay to date multiple men, no not sleep with multiple men (if that’s what you want to do, no judgement here, you just can’t be mad or disappointed that your “relationships” aren’t working out), but date them. Allow each of them to court you as the old heads would say. Be upfront with each of them that you are dating other people, no not sleeping with them but dating them. The man that wants you above the rest will make it known he does.

Third, speak up! Don’t be submissive or timid, but there’s no need for overthetop neither. A grown man isn’t intimidated by a vocal woman or a woman that knows who she is. We want to know your likes and dislikes, you strengths and weaknesses. We want to know when you’re happy and sad, when we mess up and what you would like us to improve on. Men are simple creatures, just be simply in those doings. A submissive and timid woman will be walked all over, there will be a lack of respect and/or seriousness in your relationships. But a know who she is woman, will get the respect and equality she deserves in her relationship. This ultimately will do a few things; first the weak/man that’s not there for you will distance himself, don’t be mad, it’s okay. Second, the man that can deal with you will embrace you wants, and third, that man will be TURNED ON, he will move towards you more, this is what you want.

Fourth, please understand there is a difference between he’s attractive and he’s your type. Let me explain, you probably find a number of different celebrities attractive are they all your type most likely not. Your type is your ideal, if you could build a man this is how he would look and act. But guess what you can’t build your man. So you have to date what’s attractive to you. Attractive in pretty much 99% of the cases won’t come off as your ideal, but in the grand scheme he’ll be exactly what you need. Why is he what you need, because he will be different not just saying he is but will show you he is. You’ll learn from his direct and indirect dealings with you that he’s sincere and genuine. That he’s there for something more that sex and groceries.

Fifth, ladies you have to know yourself, but be willing to learn and grow. One thing I’ve learned about dating and relationships is I do not have all the answers. You won’t always know how to solve a problem, you won’t always have a solution, sometimes you will be both the problem and solution. But all of this only comes as you begin to know yourself. This means letting go of past hurt and bitterness, learning from your past relationships, what you like and don’t like. Having an understanding of what makes you tick and what makes you smile. But lastly it means knowing who you will be in that relationship. I think in this new era women sometimes fear that they’ll lose their independence when dating a man. You got it all wrong, a real man will acknowledge that independence, he will thrive on it and respect it. A real man isn’t intimidated by your independence he’s turned on by it, he feeds on it and goes harder for you because of it.

Last, but not least is sex. There is absolutely no golden rule on when to have sex with a guy you’re dating. It comes down to more about how you carry yourself when heading down that path than when. Simple rule is respect yourself, no matter the time period in between.

Of course there’s much more to dating, relationships, and love than theses topics and tips. But I hope that this can be used as a start. As a way to a better dating and relationship life. Will there still be ups and downs even with these tips, absolutely. But will they help change the overall perspective yes they will.

I’ve dated different women, different types, and at different stages in my life. One thing I can say and have always said is that I’ve never dated a bad woman. Have my relationships been perfect nope, they made mistakes and so did I. But what has always been avoided is the nonsense and bullshit I hear happening to many of my female friends. As I said before  I just want all my Nubian females to win.


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